"I am very outspoken and honest. I think sharing my mistakes shows who I truly am and what God has done with my life. I also want to sympathize with others, maybe help them see how much God loves them. I post a lot about abortion because I know first hand the horror of it. I feel it's my calling from God to help others be informed. I want any other women in the world to know that if she has been through it she can heal and be forgiven. It is not because I am judgmental or I hate women who have abortions. I want to love them. I also hope to make a difference and be a voice for the innocent unborn.

My story started 17 years ago when I was 17. I had a boyfriend. Like so many teens we gave in to lust. A couple months went by and I felt sick all the time. I didn't know what that meant. One of my friends suggested I take a pregnancy test. With tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat I saw the two lines. All those 2 lines meant to me was I am in trouble. No way would I tell my parents. I already didn't live up to their demanding expectations. I was terrified. My friend told me her sister's friend had an abortion. She told me that I could sleep over her house and she could take me in the morning. She told me that nobody had to know and I didn't need my parents permission. She even offered to lend me half of the cost. I remember this day so clearly when I told my boyfriend. He was so angry. He wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He told me it was my problem. From that moment on I shut down emotionally. I just went through the motions because I couldn't handle it any other way. So i called American Women's Center in Voorhees. They just scheduled my appointment and told me not to eat breakfast that Saturday morning. I thought to myself "that's it'. So that same friend who I am sure thought she was doing the right thing went with me. 

We walked into the office building and it was packed. I signed in at the desk and they told me to have a seat. Wow it was strange to see so many girls with blank faces not speaking. I know I didn't want to do anything but get out of there. I wanted this nightmare to end but little did I know it wouldn't end. It would be the beginning of great pain in my heart. I was called to a room where the lady asked me to lay on a table. She rubbed the ultrasound on my belly. I was so clueless I didn't even know what she was doing. I could not see the "TV screen". She said the pregnancy is about 11 weeks along. She asked how I felt and I said nauseous. She said after my procedure I would feel all better. She said it would be all over soon and I could go back to my normal life. She had me walk to another room, the scariest place I have ever been. I had no name in there. I was "remove your pants from the waist down and put your feet in the stirrups. That man was so cold. He began doing whatever it was he was supposed to do. To me it felt like my insides were being ripped apart by a loud suctioning machine. He handed the nurse something. She walked away and a few minutes later said it is complete. Now I know complete meant every tiny limb and part of my baby was inside a jar. He left the room without saying a word to me. The woman said dress yourself and go back to that room and find an open recliner. I thought "are you kidding me? I am supposed to get up and walk?" I sat there and was given a Tylenol. After about a half hour she asked if I was okay to leave. They wanted me out of there and I wanted to be out of there.

Life went on but not how i thought it would. I was so depressed. I told a girl at school about it and she had a boy in our art class call me baby killer. I wanted to die. I imagined myself blowing my brains out in front of the whole school. I was alone. I started drinking. Everyone else seemed to be doing it and it numbed my pain. I wanted another boyfriend. I wound up having lot's of boyfriends because I had no respect for myself anymore. I got pregnant again. I wanted to. I felt like it would make things all better. It just made me a single teen mom with extremely disappointed parents who didn't have love for me anymore. 

Yes this has been such a depressing story but a miracle happened. I met a man (my husband) who fell deeply in love with me and my infant daughter. I seemed to have it all but I still hurt inside. I called the clinic and told them how I was feeling and asked if they had counseling. They said no we don't do that. I looked in the phonebook and there was a number for a place called options. It said they did free counseling. That is when I met my angels. The two most loving women in the world. I skipped out on our first appointment out of fear and they still called me and wanted to meet me. My husband went with me and they even had babysitting. My husband is a hero. He did the whole 8 week program with me. They even had a private memorial service for my baby in a church. They gave me a beautiful certificate honoring the life of my child. My heart was changing. I felt a tug that made me feel guilty but not in a bad way. I knew what it was, the man upstairs. I prayed for the first time in my life. I felt relief, joy, and TRUE LOVE! I could go on. It was still hard especially seeing the ultrasounds of my other children and realizing I had destroyed a real human life. But it was different, i knew that man upstairs and He died on the cross for me. He loved me and forgave me. He gave me a new life and blessed me with way more than I deserve and could have imagined. 

Abortion is not the answer that society portrays. It hurts women. Women and girls need support and love. We need to give it to them.  I have had the opportunity to meet quite a few women who have been through it. God has used me to comfort them and spread His love. He wants me to spread truth in a very confused and blind society. I also hope I can spare others of this tragedy of losing their child. That is why I do what I do and am who I am. 

I am happy to chat with anyone if they need support. I know there are so many women silent and scared to get help or speak out. If you would like to chat please just respond to this message or if you prefer more privacy please feel free to private message Jennifer here at A Voice for Hope and she can give me your contact info."

~ Tara